Mami.

This post is dedicated to my mother.  The best woman I know, who taught me how to be the woman that I am, and the mother that I am becoming.

Today my mother will start her journey to come meet her first grandchild.  So she will be traveling from Costa Rica to Norway and will be arriving tomorrow.

For most people, traveling such a great distance is no big deal, on the contrary, it would be exiting and exotic!  But my mom is very scared of flying, so, this is a big thing.  This is how much she love's us!

Being away from my country is very difficult sometimes.  I miss what I used to have there.  The familiarity of things, my culture, my family, the food, my friends, my old life, the supermarket, driving a car, the weather, the beach... oh so many things.  But those are things that I have managed to live without and keep close to with a little help of Skype and trying to visit every year.

All of this changed the moment I became pregnant.  It was then that I wanted to be close to my family.  I wanted the women in my family specially.  I wanted all the unwanted advice, the nosiness, the unwanted visits, the coffee chats, everything.  I wanted my mother, I wanted her advice and to hug her.  And for her to hug me.  Anyways, I finally got to go to Costa Rica when I was six months pregnant and for 3 weeks, that is what I did, be with my mom and almost nothing else.  That is all I wanted.  Then, Olivia was born, and it must be really hard to be apart from your first grandchild.  

My mom has seen Olivia grow these past 6 weeks through Skype, videos and pictures, but tomorrow, she gets to hold her for the first time.  I can't wait.

6 weeks!

My little Olive turned 6 weeks yesterday.  It is so amazing how time flies! She was just in my belly like seconds ago and I was impatiently waiting!  Now we have reached 6 weeks.  That means that everything starts getting back to "normal" (yeah, right!).  One good thing is that my body is back to normal now.  Officially.

Olivia smiles all the time, she looks for me when she is not with me, she smiles at her dad and grandparents, she can hold her head up almost all the time, she makes the cutest little noises and drools like a Saint Bernard!  She is now wearing size 1-3 months old clothes, finally fitting into her pijamas!  She likes a little independence every once in a while, and she is loooooving her night baths (as long as she has a full belly) and her after-bath-massage.

She went up 1kg since the first week! my baby is growing so fast!
We are hoping to move her to her own bed in the next few days, that's our next goal.  Other than that, I think we're doing pretty good!

black & white & red stripes.

 

Today Olivia is wearing her first Polarn O. Pyret body (courtesy of my beautiful friend Janna and her little girl Enna. Awesome hand me down piece by the way!).  That means that my little girl is growing fast and now can wear a bigger size (she's been wearing size newborn and still everything was huge on her).

Also, she's fascinated by high contrast like black and white.  She can stare for long periods of time  at ceramic plate with black and white trees that we have hanging on the wall.  So I started looking for visual stimulation videos for babies and found the site WeeSeeWorld.  As they explain it, the videos are a mix between art installation and pacifier that visually stimulates the child.  Aren't they great?

wee see - collection two from Rolyn Barthelman on Vimeo.

2 things on my wish list.

 

Ergo baby carrier (in Camel) 

 

Babybjörn travel crib 

Smile!

New milestone.
It began a few days ago but only now managed to properly catch it.
(Sorry about the filming, hehe, I was too distrated trying to make her smile :))

5 weeks (yesterday)!!!

Ready for a walk!  We are absolutely head over hills about you Olivia.

About guilt and the extreme.

When I found out I was pregnant, I started looking for blogs on motherhood and pregnancy so I could feel some kind of company through the process.  I have found many beautiful and well written blogs that have helped me through the whole thing.  I specially like the ones that document what they are going through... the more personal ones.  I like to know things as they are, I want to know the different possibilities, this is how I am, the more I know, the safer I feel.
Yesterday I found a post on one of my favourite blogs, "Aux petits oiseaux", on cloth diapering.  Claudia, the author of this blog, asks for advice on what to choose, cloth or disposable.  As usual many suggestions based on experience were made, including me.  But there was one specific comment that caught my attention because that is exactly how I've been feeling:

Julia says: "Hmmm... I'd say, do the cloth only, if you really want to do it and not out of some kind of guilt or responsibility for the baby, the environment,...

I know it's pretty much en vogue these days, at least here in Germany, to be this easy going, eco-friendly, all-natural mum - which automatically involves a lot of guilt. Feeling guilty because you feed your baby store bought food instead of home made, because you use disposable diapers, because you do put it in a pram instead of carrying it all the time, because you don't solely breastfeed for a whole year... I sometimes feel guilty but here Elisabeth Badinter steps in (sorry for insisting ;)): She says if women did all these things that are definitely good for the babies, there would be no self left and no time for this self. I was really shocked the other day as I read a thread on the internet of a woman who was a bit desperate because she had the feeling there was so much expected from her as a mother of a little baby that she couldn't fulfill without loosing herself. The answer of another mother: Well, you should've known before, if you can't sacrifice everything for the baby then you shouldn't have become a mother. I know there's a lot of dumb people out there, but still.

I'm sorry for this ultra long and maybe a bit dramatic post, I'm just super annoyed by the fact that so many guilty mothers are being created at the moment. "

This is how it has become! It is extreme.  It's all expectations and it is exhausting to be a mother when all this pressure is upon you.  I have decided to just follow my instinct, but I find myself over explaining my decisions as if they were not the right ones, even though I know they are (on my choice of using epidural, on co-sleeping, on complementing breastfeeding with formula, on mixing disposable and cloth diapers and so on..)

I think that we each do the best we can.  We each love our children more than life itself and we want what's best for them, and sometimes what's best for them is to have happy parents that can give the most of themselves.  I don't believe in loosing yourself for your child, I believe in becoming the best person you can be for them without loosing your identity.

Dani. 

4 weeks.

What has happened these last 4 weeks with Olivia:

• Nursing gets easier day by day.  We also are complementing breastfeeding with formula since she wasn't gaining enough weigh despite the 24/7 feeding frenzy the past few weeks.  Now, she's happy, more satisfied, more regular, sleeps longer, is growing at a great pase and most importantly, mommy is happy and able to eat breakfast and shower!
• She still sleeps long stretches at night THANK GOD!
• I am very happy I have taken my time to do things at my own rhythm, which means that I have been very close to home and haven't been very social, but, I figure that this is the time to do things my way and take my time.  I am learning new things every day and my only job at the moment is to be a mom, feed and care for my baby, so, that is what I am doing guilt free!
• We had some trips to town in the bus!  Some successful, some... not so much.  Anyways, everything takes longer to plan and to do, and when you finally arrive to your destination, it's time to feed or change the diaper... so, going to town: not so attractive at the moment.
• I am not in love with breastfeeding, I find it boring to tell the truth, but, when I am not nursing and it has been around 2 hours, I miss doing it... talk about contradictions.
• I am not so comfortable with breastfeeding in public, this is just because I am shy that way.  But I have been making the effort of doing it despite the fact that I am terrified by it.  I don't want to be limited by this.  I want to be able to do it wherever I go, and I think I am slowly getting more comfortable and more "elegant" with my nursing techniques, so soon will be time for me to adventure myself to the city more often and meet my friends for coffee or lunch again!
• First car ride: piece of cake! She loved it on the way there, cried a bit on the way back, but with the help of some baby music that we got from our lovely friends Marthe, Lasse and Oskar, she stopped crying and enjoyed it again!.  
• First party: piece of cake as well!  I managed to nurse, change diapers and socialize!  Oh, and eat cake!  I have to say, she also managed to charm the crowd just being cute, and met a couple of very cute friends: Oskar and Sverre!!!!
• Jonas as always: our rock!  We love you!!
• Rafa: still behaving like a champ!  Always being sweet and looking after her.

The language thing.

I have been feeling a bit guilty for not writing my posts in Spanish, my native language but here's my excuse:  I live in Norway and I want to write in a language that all my friends and family (and the occasional "dropper-by") can understand.  So, English is my middle ground.  There!  It's out of my chest and now I am guilt free!

Hope you all have a good week!  Mine has had a good start so far!

3 weeks.

 

Olivia turned 3 weeks yesterday.  It's amazing how much I can see she has grown in these last days... and how much (and how little) has happened.

This week I officially fell in love with our baby.  I know it sounds bad, but it takes time to get used to the whole situation.  I loved her the moment I saw her, even before, when she was in my belly.  I loved the idea of her, I loved her always, but I fell in love with her this week.  That is big.  This week came that overwhelming feeling of love, that painful and bigger than life love.  I can't get enough of her, even when she murders my nipples when she's breastfeeding. 

 One more new thing we tried this week: the "vippestole" (I have no idea 

of the name for this thing in English or Spanish!  One of the perks of having

a baby in another country with another language, all babytalk is done in this 

new language).  She was happy for a little while... then she had enough.